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26May/092

Rules of the Internet

Water on road during rain (no shit)Some might say the Internet is a wild west, where rules and laws don't apply. Au contraire, mon frère. There are in fact a pleathora of rules and bylaws that the Internet follows.

While most "Rules of the Internet" appear to be written by 12-year-olds with too much time on their hands, here are a select few that I think hold some truth about online interactions:

Rule 1: You do not talk about Fight Club.
Rule 2: You do not talk about Fight Club.
Rule 6: All general statements are false (except this one).
Rule 13: Nonsensical, uncited, or otherwise incomplete arguments may be immediately recognized as trolls if the first party immediately responds with "Fucking Google It" when further explanation is requested. It can safely be assumed the first party doesn't know what they're talking about and Rule 14 may be invoked.
Rule 14: Do not argue with trolls - it means that they win.
Rule 24: If it exists, people fear it. No exeptions.
  Dextrophobia: Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
  Epistemophobia: Fear of knowledge.
  Euphobia: Fear of hearing good news.
  Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
  Mythophobia: Fear of myths or stories or false statements
Rule 29: If you are good at something, someone is better.
Rule 34: Generally accepted internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject. Additionally it is accepted that the rule itself has limitations and you cannot be too specific on the content of the item in question. For instance, you can safely invoke Rule 34 for Scooby Doo. You cannot invoke Rule 34 for Micky Mouse and Optimus Prime (...at least you couldn't - now that it has been suggested it's just a matter of time).
Rule 42: The general rule that you should always bring a towel just in case you do something stupid so at least people will say "Hey that guy/gal really knows where their towel is". Coincidentally this is also the meaning of life and all questions because all answers can be deprived from 42 (for example: How many minutes does it take to make a marshmallow peep? Answer: 42, because 4+2=6 and it takes 6 minutes to make). Part of the 100+ general rules of the universe.

You're welcome. Now go out there and play by the rules people!

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